Monthly Archives: June 2016

Day 29: Feeling Last Night

I slept late today and I couldn’t figure out why I was so tired and I realized that I’m tired today after running after Buddy twice yesterday. So tired…

Tomorrow is going to be tiring again.

Short post tonight. Too tired to write much more.

I did download the wordpress desktop app. This is my first time using it. It seems to be cool. It beats going on the Internet every time, especially since my Internet isn’t always strong enough to support browsing on both computers. Yes, I like to multitask. Often times I’m watching something on YouTube or Netflix on my Desktop and then writing or playing games on my laptop.

Right now, I’m watching Z Nation with my dad. So I’m going to go.

Until next time, get some rest and sleep well.


Day 28: Ice Queen Move Activated

I met a possible future love interest today and that’s why I am posting this on the 29th and not the 28th. I say possible love interest because I don’t know how I feel about him. He’s nice. We spent the evening getting to know each other. We’ll see where this goes.

Part of me wants to just write him off. I’m afraid of falling for him and then he hurts me. He told me all of these things, the typical things that guys say. I don’t know whether to believe him or not. I want to, but I don’t know if I can afford all of the energy it takes to be in a relationship.

He didn’t seem afraid of my craziness. Of course, I don’t know if he really believed a lot of what I said. He kept saying we have a lot in common, but do we really? I know some about him. I did most of the talking and he allowed me to. I think I just needed to let it all out and I wonder if he sensed that. I laid it all out for him. I wanted to be up front. If this does develop into something possibly long term, I don’t want him to try to claim that he didn’t know something about me.

He says he’s going to surprise me when he calls. I won’t wait by the phone. Have I really become this cynical? Have I really become this person? I’ve always wanted to be an ice queen and I’ve become that. Do I have the capacity to thaw out? Do I want to thaw?

I’m in the middle of a manic phase. I was doing well. I was doing some scrapbooking. I pulled out the mini album thinlits set that I bought yesterday and I was in the process of making one. I decided to take Buddy for a walk and it was on this walk that this guy and I ran into each other. It was a mutual attraction.

I wouldn’t have met him if I decided to take Buddy for a walk early or even if I decided to not walk Buddy. I’m not saying it’s fate, but our paths did cross for a reason. I just don’t know what that reason was.

In all of this, Buddy got loose twice. Once when the guy got here (yes I invited him over) and once when he was about to leave. Both times I ran Buddy down and caught him. Even though the first time I was in flip-flops and the second time I was in slip-on shoes, I ran nimbly; on my toes, like I used to when I was a child. All I cared about was my dog. Looking back, I realized that the running made me feel something else. It felt good. I felt free. Of course I was afraid that Buddy was going to get into a fight or catch a cat again, but how I felt when I was running…it took me someplace. I barely even remember my feet touching the ground.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense. I’m still trying to process it all. There are probably loads of spelling and grammatical errors (all of my posts are full of them) in this post. I apologize.

I still don’t know how I feel. It was nice meeting someone who I could possibly like, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid that he’ll be like every other guy. Nice at first and then the mask comes off and he reveals his true self.  I’m not afraid of abuse. I can protect myself from that. I’m afraid that he’ll leave or that I’ll have to get rid of him. I’m afraid of being disappointed again. I want him to prove me wrong, but I’m scared of being right.

Until next time, I wish for you to have good relationships and I wish you strength should you need to get out of a bad one.

Day 27: Hobby Lobby Haul

Today didn’t start as planned. Buddy woke me up around six or seven barking at a cat. I never did get back to sleep despite the fact that I finally crashed at three this morning. A couple hours later, as I contemplated letting the dogs outside and going back to sleep, I heard a loud popping sound and my house went silent. Mind you, I sleep with a high velocity fan going in my room to muffle the outside noises. *Sigh* A transformer had popped.

I don’t know how transformers work, but all of the people on my block had electricity. However, the houses behind me didn’t have electricity.

Needless to say, I was upset. I reported the power outage and waited for the electricity to come back on. It was too hot and humid to stay outside, but with no circulating air the house was even worse. Even the rats were feeling it as they were frequently visiting the water bottle.

I waited two hours and realized that they weren’t coming anytime soon (probably coming from the City). It was nicer in the backyard with a little bit of breeze, plus the patio is shady all day so I put the dogs outside and went to Hobby Lobby a bit earlier than I anticipated.

As soon as I walked into Hobby Lobby, my day turned around and I left feeling a whole lot better than I went in. Here is what I bought.

Until next time, keep in mind that just because your day doesn’t start well doesn’t mean it won’t end well.

P.S. By the time I got back from my shopping trip, the electricity was back on.

Day 26: Busy Day

Wow, I got a lot accomplished today! It may not seem much to most people, but for me it was a whole lot. I did four loads of laundry, did some more organizing of my craft/office area, got some shopping done, and helped a friend write an A worthy paper.

Now I’m tired, but so happy. It feels so good to have the energy to get things done and be exhausted at the end of the day, not because of my depression, but because I was able to do something.

My friend paid me for helping with his paper, so tomorrow I’m going to splurge at Hobby Lobby and get some new crafting items. The ever practical side of me said that I needed to save the money for something…maybe getting something for the dogs rather than myself. The other part of me told that practical side that my life revolves around my dogs, pretty much any extra money goes into making their lives more comfortable, today I even bought them some flea and tick shampoo, house spray, and drops. No, this money is for me to splurge on me. Granted, I probably will have some money left over and I’ll probably buy the dogs some treats or a toy or something. What can I say? My life revolves around them.

Practical side then tells me that I should put it toward my medical bills. The other side then responds to forget the medical bills. It’s not that often that I have cash to blow and that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to blow it on crafting supplies.

I think tomorrow is going to be an even better day than today.

Yep, the tide is out and it feels great.

The only unfortunate thing today was Buddy and I didn’t get our walk. A storm rolled in and it was raining, lightning, and thundering by the time our walk time came around. Buddy didn’t seem to mind too much. He’d been out back most of the day running and playing with the other dogs. In fact when I brought the dogs in, all of them came inside and went to sleep. They must have been having fun chasing squirrels. Oh to be a dog; such a simple life.

Well, I’m going to call it a night. An exciting day is ahead of me. Though I may not actually write tomorrow, I’ll post pictures of my haul, or a video. It depends on how adventurous I feel.

Until next time, even though you might have a busy schedule don’t forget to take time out for yourself.

Day 25: Quiet

There are some evenings that the dogs just don’t want to settle down for bed. Nia whimpers from her crate, Molly gets up on the baby gate begging to get let out, Clara barks at anyone who looks at her strange, the rats bicker in their cage, and Buddy travels between the kitchen and living room feeling like he’s missing out on things.

Then there are evenings like this. Buddy and I had a peaceful walk. It was quiet. Hot, but there was still a nice breeze. There weren’t a whole lot of children at the park, most were teenagers and adults. No screaming kids. It was nice.

Buddy didn’t tug much which meant that I was able to let my mind wander. I thought about this month and how I’m nowhere near where I thought I would be. I thought that this blogging every day and striving to make changes would magically make everything perfect. I don’t know why I thought that, since life really is a work in progress.

However, I do feel like I’m begging to understand myself, my wants, and my needs better. I’m beginning to realize that I don’t have to let myself be bullied into things and not be afraid to be assertive. I’m not there yet, but I know I’ll get there.

Despite all of that, I’m having one of those moments when my life feels pretty good at the moment and I wish I could just freeze this moment indefinitely. It is so nice in my house right now. All the dogs are tired. The temperature is comfortable. I’m in a cozy nightgown.

The only thing that could make this moment any better is food. I don’t know what kind either. I have mini frozen pizzas in the freezer as well as fries and spring rolls. Too many choices!!!! I think I’m going to go for the fries though. Yeah, fries sound good.

Well, I’m going to revel in this moment while eating fries and watching YouTube videos. I hope everyone is having as great of an evening as I am.

Until next time, let’s all groove to Bob Marley’s “Jammin’.”

Day 24: Brush, Brush

Buddy isn’t a fan of being brushed, but it is something that needs to be done right now since he is still blowing his winter coat. He has some bare patches on  his chest that were there when I got him. I’m not sure what happened there, but I’m wondering if he was so matted that the only thing to do was to shave it. Not sure though.

I try to keep the brushing sessions to about fifteen minutes, depending on how patient he is, how determined I am, and how much time I have. Today, all things were on my side and I was able to get him really brushed out. He lost his patience when I tried to brush his tail, but by that time I’d been working on him for quite some time and I knew he wouldn’t sit still much longer.

I do have to say that he looks better. There’s still quite a bit to brush out, but we’re getting there. Soon he’ll be even more handsome than he already is.

As I sat on the floor brushing him, I thought of starting a YouTube channel where I posted daily videos of my musings while I brushed one of my dogs. I’m not entirely certain how entertaining that is, but I suppose there is a niche for that. It’s just an idea and I haven’t completely worked out the details. I really want to start a channel, but due to my personality, I have to have a focus before I start anything. It would most likely be a vlog channel, but we’ll see. I’ll probably have to get a better video camera first.

For almost a year, I was planning a big shindig for my 30th birthday, but now I’m thinking that I would prefer to enter my thirtieth year a little more quietly, perhaps a trip to the Tulsa aquarium. I might drag a friend along because I’d really like to share that experience with someone. Also, it would probably be best if I have the support as I don’t know how crowded the aquarium will be. Yet another thing that I’ll have to work out the logistics of.

Right now every pup has settled down for the night. I’ll probably be doing the same here in a bit, though I don’t want to go to bed too early or else I’ll be awake at five in the morning. I hate being awake at that time. I prefer not to be aware that time/life exists between the hours of between midnight and nine. It never fails that on Friday nights I always go to bed too early, so I get up too early, which means that I’m exhausted by the time church starts on Saturday morning. Will tonight be the same? You’ll know tomorrow because I’ll probably talk about it.

Well, I wish everyone a restful night or a good day depending on where you live.

Until next time, just keep brushing…just keep brushing…

P.S. No, I haven’t seen Finding Dory yet. No spoilers please, no spoilers.

Day 23: Superpower

I really couldn’t think of anything to write today, so I decided to resort to a cliched question: If I could choose a superpower, what would it be?

When I was a kid and my friends and I would play games, my character was a girl named Michelle and she could talk to animals. I think she had a pet dragon or something, but I don’t quite remember.

If I could have a superpower, I think I’d like to be able to talk to animals, but at the same time I wonder if it would get annoying after awhile. I mean, if I could talk to all animals then I could hear the ants talking under my feet and then I’d feel guilty if I killed one of them. Yikes, too much pressure!!!

Another superpower I’d like is shape shifting. I realize that it would be a very painful process, or at least at the beginning until my body got used to a certain form. The only problem I could foresee is if I turn into a dog would I innately be able to communicate with them or would it be something I have to learn?

There I go overthinking things again.

Now that’s my real superpower, overthinking. Perhaps I’d be better as a villain or an anti-hero rather than an actual hero. Would I want to be a hero though? Nope. I think I’d just like to be a “normal” human being that happens to have superpowers.

Now I think about Peter Parker’s uncle’s advice: “With great power comes great responsibility.” Oh great, that means that by having the power to shape shift (or talk to animals) that I’d be obligated to help.

Maybe I’ll stick to being a regular human being.  Yeah…I think I will.

I know it’s cliche, but what superpower would you choose? Also, do you think that you’d be able to handle the responsibilities that will inevitably result from this superpower? Let me know.

Until next time, if great power means great responsibility then there better be great health insurance and a great dental plan to go along with it.