Tag Archives: Inner critic

Day 25: Quiet

There are some evenings that the dogs just don’t want to settle down for bed. Nia whimpers from her crate, Molly gets up on the baby gate begging to get let out, Clara barks at anyone who looks at her strange, the rats bicker in their cage, and Buddy travels between the kitchen and living room feeling like he’s missing out on things.

Then there are evenings like this. Buddy and I had a peaceful walk. It was quiet. Hot, but there was still a nice breeze. There weren’t a whole lot of children at the park, most were teenagers and adults. No screaming kids. It was nice.

Buddy didn’t tug much which meant that I was able to let my mind wander. I thought about this month and how I’m nowhere near where I thought I would be. I thought that this blogging every day and striving to make changes would magically make everything perfect. I don’t know why I thought that, since life really is a work in progress.

However, I do feel like I’m begging to understand myself, my wants, and my needs better. I’m beginning to realize that I don’t have to let myself be bullied into things and not be afraid to be assertive. I’m not there yet, but I know I’ll get there.

Despite all of that, I’m having one of those moments when my life feels pretty good at the moment and I wish I could just freeze this moment indefinitely. It is so nice in my house right now. All the dogs are tired. The temperature is comfortable. I’m in a cozy nightgown.

The only thing that could make this moment any better is food. I don’t know what kind either. I have mini frozen pizzas in the freezer as well as fries and spring rolls. Too many choices!!!! I think I’m going to go for the fries though. Yeah, fries sound good.

Well, I’m going to revel in this moment while eating fries and watching YouTube videos. I hope everyone is having as great of an evening as I am.

Until next time, let’s all groove to Bob Marley’s “Jammin’.”

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Writer, Stop Fighting Thyself!

I can think of many reasons why I haven’t written anything (blog posts, stories, poems, musings, etc) over the past week and a half. Some of these reasons are even valid: I’ve gotten blood work done, I’ve had shots, I’ve had a pap smear, I’ve had a cold, I’ve become obsessed…er, interested in The Walking Dead, it’s been cold, it’s been very pretty outside, it’s been raining, my husband is at work most of the day, my husband comes home late at night…

That being said, I can’t find a valid reason for not writing, except The Walking Dead. What? That’s not even a valid reason? Surely you jest!

Seriously though, I have no clue why I haven’t been writing. I have a whole lot of uninterrupted time during the day (10-12 hours) and I could get a whole lot of writing done in that time. I guess part of it is I’m still adjusting to being married and being in a new house. I’ve been trying to get the house so that I feel like it is my home and it’s taken me longer than I thought.

But, now that the owners of the second Persian took her back in, I think I’m on my way to getting the house the way it is. My Heeler and Shih Tzu and their crates are going to be in the spare bedroom. That means I don’t have to share my study with a huge dog crate anymore. Perhaps once all of these things are in place, I’ll finally feel at home and I’ll be able to resume my writing again.

Funny thing is, I can’t say I have writer’s block. I have so many stories and blog posts in my head that sometimes I think my head is going to explode and words are going to fly all around. There will be no brain matter because the words would have consumed all of it. Basically, all I need to do is sit down and write.

But my hand won’t pick up a pen.

My fingers won’t type.

My inner critic tells me that everything I write will turn to dust.

My inner coach reminds me that I wrote most of a novel during NaNoWriMo.

My perfectionist nature tells me that if it isn’t going to come out perfect then I shouldn’t write at all.

Translation: I spend more time fighting myself about why I’m writing or not writing, or why I should or should not write than I actually do on writing. Maybe I should write about that.

Oh wait, I already did.

So to my inner critic: Shut up! It’s not going to turn to dust. Go away and leave me alone. I’ll call you when I’m editing my story.

To my inner coach: Thanks for reminding me. Keep reminding me of that. Oh and remind me to finish that NaNoWriMo novel too.

To my perfectionist nature: That’s what editing is for! There is a reason why these things are called “rough draft!” I’m going to tell you the same thing as I told inner critic. Shut up, leave me alone, and I’ll call you when I need you.

 

So, until next time…keep writing and gag and tie your inner critic to a chair!