Tag Archives: writing

Day 19: Tide In

A friend of mine wanted to come see me and I told him that I wasn’t feeling well. When he asked me what I was wrong, I told him that depression comes in waves and that the tide was in. I’m still waiting for the tide to go out. It’s annoying to say the least, but it could be worse.

Buddy and I went for a stroll and it was nice. I didn’t think about much except for how nice it is to walk and not be afraid of anyone of anything. At the same time I’m afraid of being too confident. I’m afraid that my confidence will cause Buddy to feel like he needs to protect me even more.

Maybe I’m just living in my head too much.

As Buddy and I were about to go in the house, a person walked by. The person smashed his/her (I couldn’t tell which) fist into his or her other hand a couple times. I admit that this alarmed me a little bit. When Buddy saw this person he was determined to go visit the person. I’m not sure if he wanted to say hi or let the person know that their aggressiveness was not appreciated. I kept him by my side and went in the house.

I feel like I’m just rambling. I feel like life is meaningless. I feel that Horror films aren’t what they used to be and that Scream 2 is more of a detective movie rather than an actual horror film.

Yeah, I’m watching Scream 2. That’s how far the tide is in. It keeps me from thinking too much. I’m just watching it to see people get killed. Yeah, that’s how far the tide is in.

Honestly, I think I could write a better horror story than most of these so called horror films. The reason that I haven’t is that I’m afraid that I’ll do such a good job that it will scare even me. Also, I want to write something that makes sense and is scary at the same time. As of yet, I haven’t worked out the mechanics.

I wonder  if writing a horror story will knock me out of my mood. Would writing horrors become addictive? It could be considered a good outlet, but where does one draw the line between creativity and a danger to society? Not that I’m a danger to society. Well that is unless someone messes with my dogs or my family, then I might become a danger to that particular person.

Speaking of people messing with my dogs, when another friend of mine comes over to do his homework, he always yells at my dogs if they even go in his general area. Buddy knows him and sniffs him when he comes inside and my friend yells at him to get away. I keep telling my friend that Buddy is being polite and once he’s found out what my friend has been up to Buddy will walk away. It’s a conversation we have every time he comes over. Every. Single. Time.

What really gets me is that this friend has a dog and has owned dogs in the past. Then again, this friend isn’t a dog person, per se. He only has a dog as long as it is worth keeping (ie. a hunting dog or a guard dog).

Now that I’m writing that, it makes me wonder if I need to choose better friends. I mean, oftentimes (not necessarily all the time) you can tell someone’s personality by how they treat animals. Of course, this friend admits that he doesn’t mind cussing people out or lying.

I really should hang out with different people. Those are not traits that I want to rub off on me or even be associated with.

Now I have even more to think about. Well, at least it isn’t about my depression.

Until next time, choose friends wisely or better yet, just stick with your pet.

 

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Writer, Stop Fighting Thyself!

I can think of many reasons why I haven’t written anything (blog posts, stories, poems, musings, etc) over the past week and a half. Some of these reasons are even valid: I’ve gotten blood work done, I’ve had shots, I’ve had a pap smear, I’ve had a cold, I’ve become obsessed…er, interested in The Walking Dead, it’s been cold, it’s been very pretty outside, it’s been raining, my husband is at work most of the day, my husband comes home late at night…

That being said, I can’t find a valid reason for not writing, except The Walking Dead. What? That’s not even a valid reason? Surely you jest!

Seriously though, I have no clue why I haven’t been writing. I have a whole lot of uninterrupted time during the day (10-12 hours) and I could get a whole lot of writing done in that time. I guess part of it is I’m still adjusting to being married and being in a new house. I’ve been trying to get the house so that I feel like it is my home and it’s taken me longer than I thought.

But, now that the owners of the second Persian took her back in, I think I’m on my way to getting the house the way it is. My Heeler and Shih Tzu and their crates are going to be in the spare bedroom. That means I don’t have to share my study with a huge dog crate anymore. Perhaps once all of these things are in place, I’ll finally feel at home and I’ll be able to resume my writing again.

Funny thing is, I can’t say I have writer’s block. I have so many stories and blog posts in my head that sometimes I think my head is going to explode and words are going to fly all around. There will be no brain matter because the words would have consumed all of it. Basically, all I need to do is sit down and write.

But my hand won’t pick up a pen.

My fingers won’t type.

My inner critic tells me that everything I write will turn to dust.

My inner coach reminds me that I wrote most of a novel during NaNoWriMo.

My perfectionist nature tells me that if it isn’t going to come out perfect then I shouldn’t write at all.

Translation: I spend more time fighting myself about why I’m writing or not writing, or why I should or should not write than I actually do on writing. Maybe I should write about that.

Oh wait, I already did.

So to my inner critic: Shut up! It’s not going to turn to dust. Go away and leave me alone. I’ll call you when I’m editing my story.

To my inner coach: Thanks for reminding me. Keep reminding me of that. Oh and remind me to finish that NaNoWriMo novel too.

To my perfectionist nature: That’s what editing is for! There is a reason why these things are called “rough draft!” I’m going to tell you the same thing as I told inner critic. Shut up, leave me alone, and I’ll call you when I need you.

 

So, until next time…keep writing and gag and tie your inner critic to a chair!


Writer in Need of a Job and Other “Tear-Jerking” Tales

I think I’m about to go crazy. I need a job. I’ve been contemplating taking a part-time job at Petsmart just so that I can have something to do. However, I did sign up on a website as a writing contractor so we’ll see what comes of that.

Yesterday I got my Heeler fixed and I have to keep her “quiet” for three days. That’s like keeping a mountain goat from climbing. Literally. My Heeler loves to climb. She jumped up on the back of our love seat simply because she could. She tried to climb up on my scrapbooking table. I have a crate for her, but I don’t want to keep her in it all the time, so what I’m doing is hanging out in my study and letting her roam around.

Half or Less Books just might be my new favorite bookstore. All the books are so affordable, pocket change even. I found four clearance books that totaled up to six dollars. My fiance got some Star Trek books (yes, I’m marrying a nerd and I’m proud of it!). All together he paid less than twelve dollars for all six books…not a bad haul. I will definitely visit there again. The only unfortunate part about the store is all of the bookshelves are made of Cedar. My mother and I are allergic to Cedar with my mom being almost deathly allergic. That means that I won’t be able to take my mom shopping there which makes me kind of sad because I’d like to show her that place.

Moving is is going well, albeit slow. I only have so much motivation…er energy to get the job done. Maybe if I had some really good music blaring through the house then I might be more inclined to do some more work. Until then, I’ll just waste time on facebook.

I think this really about sums up my last few days. I’m hoping that life becomes more exciting. My characters in my stories have more fun than I have. How fair is that? Maybe I should fictionalize myself and go on adventures. Okay, I admit it, I’ve done that before. I like to write stories where I’m doing a lot more exciting things. Of course a lot more exciting things simply means I’m not sitting at home on my computer playing Farmville 2 hoping that I hear an ambulance or police car or some other signs of life outside of the walls of the house.

Well I’m going to go write about something exciting. Maybe I’ll find an adventure in the laundry room.

Until next time…


Calling All Blog Muses

All day I’ve been trying to figure out what I wanted to write about on my blog. I thought of several things: how cats don’t seem to adapt to new environments and other pets as well as dogs do, moving (yet again), finding a job, wishing I could be a full-time writer, and so on. Unfortunately, none of them seemed like something I actually wanted to write. So now I’m sitting at my desk calling to all of the nine blog muses: Cleo, Tabby, Edna, Enid, Penelope, Cassie, Talia, Ursula, and Midi. Yes, I just made up those names, but who knows I may write about them sometime.

As I was driving home this evening I came up with a new dog story idea. It’s based on an incident that happened to me. I was walking across campus talking to my mom on the phone when I saw a couple and their dog. Two people were petting the dog. I did a quick assessment of the dog, his body, the way he held his tail, and his size and concluded that he was definitely part wolf. I told the owners he was a beautiful dog, then corrected myself and said, “Or is he a wolf?” as some wolf or wolf hybrid owners prefer their pet no be referred to as a mere dog. The woman quickly replied, “Dog. We’ll say dog.” I nodded, but I do believe that the “dog” was part wolf, but since wolves have a bad reputation and it was a college campus I figured that they didn’t want it advertised that they had a wolf. Once I flesh out this idea I’ll write more about it in the future.

I guess I found a couple things to write about. I’ll try to write more next Wednesday, but I can’t guarantee it. It’s supposed to warm up next week and I want to get some packing and moving done before the temperature drops again.

Until next time…


Somehow It Works

Samuel Beckett wrote a short piece of prose titled, “Lessness” (http://www.samuel-beckett.net/lessness.html). The work consists of two parts totaling 120 sentences. However, the work only uses sixty sentences. Basically, Beckett took sixty sentences, drew them at random, and then arranged the sentences in paragraph form without ruining the order the sentences were drawn in. He did this for both parts, making each part unique.

When I read about this, I decided that I wanted to try my hand at it. All I needed to do was write sixty sentences and draw them at random. I found a generator (http://textmechanic.com/Random-Line-Picker.html) that picked the sentences at random so I didn’t have to cut the slips of paper out and then put them in a hat. That was the easy part.

The more difficult part was writing sixty sentences. I thought it would be easy, but I found that it was harder than I thought. I had to write sixty sentences that were related, but could work together no matter how they were ordered. I’m not used to that. I’m used to writing a story and usually how the sentences are written out are usually the order I want them in.

How I did this was used the first sentence I wrote to set the tone and theme for the work and then the subsequent sentences were written with that tone and theme in mind. I finally finished the sixtieth sentence tonight and then I copy and pasted the sentences to the generator and let it arrange the sentences for me.

I thought the story was going to random and in a sense it is random, but strangely it works. The work is a little weird, but I like it. Tomorrow I’m going to read it to my writer’s group and see what they think. I might even challenge them to write their own.

Check out Lessness and see what you think. Maybe you can even try your hand at this type of prose. If this type of prose had a name, I wonder what it would be called: A Samuel Beckett Story, Beckett Story, Beckett Prose, 60 Sentence Story…I could go on and on with titles. Perhaps I may simply call this type or prose “Somehow It Works.” Hmmm that has a nice ring to it (I know I’m strange).


Dreaming About Writing

Many times I wake up in the morning and think back on a dream and say, “I bet I could turn that into a story.” In fact several of my characters come from people I see in my dreams.

However, this past few days I’ve been dreaming about writing. In one dream I was in a movie and as the beginning credits were rolling I thought, “I wish I had written this.” It’s funny. I was actually jealous of a “movie” that my mind created. Then this morning I had misplaced my blue notebook that I keep in my purse. In this notebook I keep ideas for stories until I can transfer them to the computer. In the dream I was upset because I didn’t want anyone to steal my story ideas. In fact another one of the people in my dreams–I think my future mother-in-law–told me that I needed to find it before someone found it. Then she reassured me that even if someone stole my ideas I would have proof that I thought of the story first.

It seems like I am now eating, breathing, and dreaming writing…not that there is anything wrong with it. I can think of a lot worse things to dream about. In fact for several weeks in a row I had dreams about dead people. Perhaps these dreams are only the beginning. Perhaps more dreams about writing will come to me. 

Sorry this is such a short post. I have more to blog about, but I wanted my dreaming about writing to be separate from the other. So until next time…


Trying Something New, or Trying to Committ Suicide, Not Really Sure Which

Yesterday, I became interested in doing the 30 Day Writing Challenge. I even found nine different challenges I can choose from. I think it will be a fun way to focus my writing and to get me to write every day, especially right now since I have way too much free time on my hands. However, I’m still unsure if I’m going to post my writings here or not. First, I’ve had this strangest fear that someone will swipe my writings. I’ve had this fear since I had a dream where a friend of mine, a person who isn’t a writer, tried to pass off my work as her own. I don’t feel that it’s a justified fear, but still. Second, I have no clue if my writings are worth reading, but I keep hearing the words from the Field of Dreams “if you build it, they will come.” “If you write it, they will read.”

Also, yesterday while looking for more 30 day writing challenges, I stumbled across a 100 Day writing challenge (http://www.writingspirit.com/public/153.cfm?sd=2). Unlike the 30 DWC, the 100 DWC doesn’t have prompts to go with it. It’s just simply a committment to write for 100 days straight for X-amount of time or X-amount of words or pages. If the write doesn’t write for a day, he/she has to start all over again no matter how far along he/she is. I don’t necessarily know if I’m going to make the rules so rigid. I think I may give myself so many “off days” just in case I have a job interview, get sick, or otherwise busy. Now, if I use up those “off days” then I’ll have to start all over again. Hmmm…

The idea isn’t as hard as the decision to make about whether or not I’m going to do the 100 DWC. I have countless novel ideas that I can work with, but I’ve settled on a “fictionalized” version of the past 3 years of my life during which I went through a dark time. Part of me says that this is a stupid, narcissistic project that I want to take on and that I should work on my actual fictional novels. Another part of me says that I may never be at peace with my past until I write it down and confront it. I think both parts are right, but it is something that I’ve wanted to do for quite sometime, but I never had a chance to because I was busy with grad school.

Here’s the suicide part: I’ve been debating on whether I want to just do a 30 DWC, just do the 100 DWC, or actully committ suicide and do both of them.

I think I have one or two readers out there, if you guys and gals would be so kind as to give me your opinion on anything you read here, I’d be greatly appreciative. Whatever project I undertake, I’m going to start on August 1, my b-day so I’m not in too much of a rush.

Siege

P.S. Also let me know if this entry makes any sense at all. I’ve been sick all day and I’m a bit out of it because of the antihistamine I took. The entry makes sense to me, but I’m not entirely sure if it is just men. Thanks.